Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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