I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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