i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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