Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
