go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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