I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
