Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
