just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
