I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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