Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we made out on top of his cat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
