Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
