But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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