Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
