she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
