It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize