Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
