Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
