the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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