All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
40s are totally the cure
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
