the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
