Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
