I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
