"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
