Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
