Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
