he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
