my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
