You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
