Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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