Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
