I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize