arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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