So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drake has all the answers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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