I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If that was your dad, he is hot
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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