why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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