I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize