They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
