I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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