mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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