i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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