I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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