Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
