It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
