I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
