he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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