Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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