I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize