mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize