Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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