This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
