Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
