Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize