I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
