Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
