If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
