No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize