thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
