Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
