Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
