By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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