zippers are such a cool invention
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
