you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
