omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
