I hate all girls vehemently.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
