You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
