just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
