Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
