you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
