maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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