Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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