Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
