This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
