wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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