So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
