I puked a lego.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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