yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
