Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
