he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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