herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize