why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
