I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
